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Dad! Dad! Can I have a Super Power Tekno-Poochie semi-robotic doggie with integral WAP mobile phone for Christmas? Pleaz-ze? A what? A robotic dog. Don't you know anything? Not much, but I manage to fake it pretty convincingly. Was that the pink metallic-effect plastic thing on the TV just then? Er. Yeah. Well, it's probably time for one of those father-to-son chats. Can you turn off the TV? But it's Dragonball Z. Speaking of which... I don't think it's healthy for you to watch that sort of cartoon. But, Dad, my school counsellor says cartoon violence is cathartic. No, but it's named after Motorola's cut-down 68000 chip for the embedded appliance market and I go all misty with nostalgia when I think about that sort of thing, so I won't be able to concentrate. Oh, all right then. I'll catch the repeat on Digital. When the Spurs match is on? Of course, you need a bit more foresight as to when you call tête-à-têtes in a multi-channel household. Fair enough. Anyway, turn it off. Now, we've been sitting here for less than an hour and you've already asked for 14 different presents for Christmas, each triggered by a very loud ad in the breaks between cartoons. Well... For example, during Dexter's Lab, I received requests for the Action Man F1 racing car (with rocket-firing mechanism, which explains how Schumi won this year); a Furby; a Pokedex ('with real Bulbasaur', I note you added); Buckaroo, which I can't believe is still going; three different kinds of technical Lego, each requiring me to remortgage to buy; and a David Beckham talking room guard, which is probably proof that you can download someone's personality to a machine, at least for very small values of personality. Shall I continue on to the Powerpuff Girls? Yeah, well, you don't have to get me them all. No, I'm quite wealthy enough to buy you Mattel itself, but do you know what really gets up my nose? Mummy says all sorts of things, mostly expensive. Hmm. Poor choice of words. Do you know what irritates me about this list of all lists? No. You've got me stumped. Well, do you know what Daddy does at work? Mummy says you get blow-ups from your PA. I think that's cool, can I have a blow-up Pikachu? Never mind what Mummy says. What Daddy does is run a software company. And what this list reminds me of is the endless wish-lists my users come up with. Can they have this? Can they have that? And can they have it by next month or they'll switch over to the Microsoft version. So just tell me one thing and I'll get it - it doesn't matter how outlandish or expensive, I can take it. Well, Dad... Yes? Well, you could open source all your software and move to a business model based on service rather than retail, and allow your users to fix their own bugs. Ah. So, whaddya think? Well, Jake, is Toys R Us open today? Is it ever shut? We'll start with the racing car and work our way along. Get my car keys, will you? | ||||||
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