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[Knocking at door] Er. Hello. Who is it? Mr Doe? I'm a federal agent. I have here a warrant for your arrest. Huh, but I haven't done anything! Your name is John Doe, isn't it? Yeah. Well. Yeah, it is. Well, according to section 42 of the California legal code, you've been responsible for... excuse me while I quote: 'Most heinous, majorly uncool and egregious disclosure of a really neat technical innovation several days before the marketing drones say it's OK to talk about it. I mean, rilly, gag me with a spoon!' That's a law? In California, yeah. But this is Utah. Indeed it is. And you wouldn't believe the trouble I've had to go to in tracking down 25 John Does. So there are a whole bunch of people with my name, and they're all named in this indictment? Yeah. Anyway it's quite simple: I do have a warrant for your extradition. It's OK - we don't put you in prison. Apple has booked an entire floor at the Triton just south of Chinatown: you have to pay for your own croissants though. Oh, right. Hang on... 25 John Does? Yeah. It says so right here. I think there's been a slight misunderstanding. Oh right, I've had to travel coach all the way to Nowhereville, Utah, and now you tell me there's a misunderstanding? Yeah, well, look. Unlike you, I was evidently paying attention during Civics Class. 'John Doe' is a legal convention: if you don't know the name of the person you're accusing you refer to them as 'John Doe'. Oh yeah, right. No, really. But that's crazy! Why not just say something sensible and unmistakable, like 'Anonymous Defendant'? I dunno. Do I look like a lawyer? Frankly? No. Anyway, if having the name John Doe was going to get you into such trouble, how come your parents gave you it? They were German. My sister's called Jane, you know, which is what you call an unnamed woman defendant. She still gets chased by all sorts of legal nutters. Oh, right. Well, this simply will not do. If you're not the guy, then I have to find another John Doe, and there are surprisingly few... ... probably because of the legal thing... ... well, exactly. Anyway, are you sure I can't arrest you? Yeah - I haven't done it. Whatever it is. How about you tell me what I'm supposed to have done? And how about in English this time. Oh, yeah. Well, it's Apple, right. It's invented this new computer called the Cube. It's a... well, it's a cube. Anyway, some people put pictures of it on a Web site before Apple did and Apple is really pissed, so it's suing everybody it can think of. Apple? I used to have an Apple II before I got my TRS-80. Does the Woz still work there? No. It's full of English guys now. What about Steve Jobs? He got kicked out, didn't he? He's back. Hence the spat, I reckon. Oh, right. So if I come to San Fran I get to meet him? Probably. Oh cool! Slap the cuffs on officer! | ||||||
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