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Hello, my name's Jacques Reynard, technology correspondent for the Daily Dissertation. I'm doing an ill-informed and tendentious article on WAP phones for our Internet supplement, Gee Whiz, Ain't It Neat! The one that comes out on Thursdays? Good to see you're a reader, Mr Perceval. I'm not: I just have to pick my way past hundreds on the floor of the train every week. Ah. I see. Anyway, I'm doing this feature about WAP and how awful it is and my editor said, 'Hey Jacques, I've got this ring-a-ding guy for you to get the dope off: get on the blower, will ya?' Right. So I've decided to give the people that have foisted this abomination upon us a chance to explain what their motives are. Sorry? Ah, I appear to be reading from the wrong notepad. So, this WAP thing, baby. Let me get straight to the point: it's not all it was cracked up to be, is it? You mean when we said it would cure cancer, translate your brainwaves into money and give you a flatter stomach without exercise? Yes, that's it. I'm joking, Mr Reynard. Tell me, how much do you know about WAP? A fair bit: I've got a pile of cuttings here from the library. And you've used it? Not exactly. I've seen the adverts. But one of the sales people had one of those Nikon phones and it didn't look much like the Internet to me. How does something look like the Internet? Well, it wasn't colour, the pictures were awful and there were no invitations to look at pictures of naked ladies. Ah, you mean it doesn't look like the Web. Web, Internet, same difference. If you insist. We never said it would be like that. WAP is better at... Well, what about GPRS, eh? That's going to piss in the punch at your party, isn't it? Not precisely. GPRS is just another way of getting data to a mobile phone: it's like saying that the Web is doomed because cable modems are coming. Cable? Never mind. No, it doesn't mean WAP is going to die. In fact, it's very good news for WAP. OK, what about this I-mode from Japan? Surely the fact that it's more technically advanced than WAP sounds an ominous death-knell for the whole industry. I-mode is more technically advanced than WAP if you think HTML 2 is anything beyond stone clubs and fur loincloths. The phones have bigger screens which is why people get excited about it. Well, look, I'm still not convinced. It's not the Web is it? No, it's not supposed to be. It's about getting little bits of information when you need it: share prices, football scores, directions, that sort of thing. Let me demonstrate: I'll get the weather for London... Yes. And what is the weather? It looks pretty wet here. Hang on, connecting... Pah! Oh here we are! it's... it's... Yes? Oh. Bugger. My phone's crashed. Thanks. My feature's complete. | ||||||
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