Right, Melinda, you owe me $20.

Twenty bucks! But Bill, you don't even own Trafalgar Square!

You didn't read your End User License Agreement, did you?

I didn't even know Monopoly came with one.

Sure it does. It's that bit of paper that fell out of the box when you opened it.

This one? The one that says 'Important: Read Before Opening Box'?

Yeah, that's the one.

Oh, Bill, I wish you'd take an evening off. This is almost as bad as the time you tried to charge me $200 when I rang you because I couldn't get the VCR working.

It was your third call!

But you'd set the date wrong.

In a complex system bugs will inevitably occur, and anyway we'll be releasing a service pack as soon as I can find the manual. Charging you for support calls subsidises innovation and benefits the entire community of VCR users by enabling us to produce better VCR settings in future releases.

Bill! Oh, gee, anyway. How come I owe you $20 for Trafalgar Square as you don't own it?

I have a licensing deal with all the properties: even if they don't use my services, I still get a fee.

Oh, okay... Hang on, I've never played that rule before. Where's it say that in the rules?

Uh, here. Just under the bit about me having no liability for defects to the construction of houses and hotels.

Hang on, Bill. This isn't the Monopoly I played as a kid.

No. I bought it.

I just said buy some board games, Bill, not the companies that made them.

Sorry, I clicked the wrong button on eBay. Anyway, I looked at the rules of Monopoly and realised they could be improved, so I had Intellectual Property look at it. Neat, huh?

Sure Sweetie. Next time let's play Yahtzee?

You want to play the standalone or the five-seat licence version?

Oh, Bill! There's the door bell, thank goodness.

Who is it?

It's Judge Jackson, dear.

Oh f***.

Mister Gates, I understand you and your goodly wife have been playing a board game. Do you mind if I have a look?

You got a warrant?

Yeah, here, signed by the chief executive of AOL Time Warner. Ah, this is the board. Right.

Whaaaaat? Melinda! He's got a knife! What are you doing?

I've cut it into three. Melinda and I shall play against each other on these two sections, and you can have this bit.

Old Street?

You've got Super Tax as well.

You've got no right to split up my Monopoly. It's not like there's no competitors.

I would be very surprised if there were two games called Monopoly. That would be missing the point.

No, no, it's one the Linux kiddies did: it's called Meritocracy. Here.

Mister Gates. All this appears to be is a big piece of paper and some crayons.

You have to make it yourself. But there are detailed instructions. Somewhere.

I'm not impressed, Mister Gates.

Oh okay, you can have Monopoly. Fancy a game of Buckaroo while you're here?

It's not all previous rulings when you're a Judge you know. We can have fun. Where's Buckaroo?

Oh, over here.

Why! I've never seen such a big set! Isn't it a little near your lake though? Don't the pieces get thrown in the water?

Yeah, but we've got plenty more. Now, you just sit in the saddle and Melinda and I will start playing...

16/02
The millennium bug

16/03
Five-year plan

16/04
Prime Minister's Question Time

16/05
She's a rainbow

16/06
AppleScript

16/07
Internet boom

16/08
RIP

16/09
Rules of the game

16/10
Thou shalt not worship...

16/11
Love Bug

16/12
Mac OS X Shenanigans

16/13
Digimon

16/14
Theory

16/15
Holidays

16/16
Apple Masters

16/17
Cube

16/18
John Doe

16/19
Maoist self-criticism

16/20
WAP

16/21
BSD

16/22
Share Prices

16/23
ADSL

16/24
Mac OS X on Intel

16/25
Christmas Presents