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Ah, Vespasius, I'm glad you could join us at such short notice. How was the journey? I was laid up at Fontagny when my mule got lame for a week. But the journey over the Alps was uneventful, Monsignor, and I made good time on my final thrust to the eternal city. Good, good. Now, I take it you're familiar with the reasons the Holy Father has seen fit to call you here? This will be something to do with my book... Yes, remind me again what your title was? De Rei Interfacii. And the subject? The arrangement of images for the use and utility of man. You are aware that Pope Pius X has already published extensively upon that subject? Yes, but many years ago - before he was even a bishop. And it was long, long before the modern state-of-the-art developed in impasto and stained glass. I didn't think His Holiness would have had time to publish on such a fast-moving subject. Be that as it may, Vespasius, your speculations have turned hairs in the Council of Cardinals. I'm very sorry that I have caused any annoyance... More than annoyance. There's talk of you being tried for heresy. What! For merely arguing that icons should be translucent? Not merely that, but that we should be able to view not only the contents of the icon as a graven image but that the icons themselves should be free to expand and contract as the viewer saw fit. Do you not see the potential heresy in there? Simply because the Pope has stated... ...in his Papal Bull on Guidelines for Human Interaction... ...that icons should be a mere metaphor for the process of worship. I am merely saying that our finest painters and glass-makers can exceed this. Look at this perspective thing... Where things get smaller and bigger in apparent emulation of distance? Yes, that one. Well, should we not be taking advantage of that technique to produce better stained-glass windows? Well, frankly, no. We shouldn't be producing anything that looks like Windows at all. Take this Shylock 2 idea you postulate in Chapter XXI. It violates everything we hold dear: a fancy frame for no good reason, buttons so big they look like portraits - more idolatry! And as for TempusFugit 4.0... what is that drawer for? This simply won't do. Um, so I'm to be burned at the stake? Oh no, I expect there'll be torture involved first. The Inquisition will want to know your views on all sorts of matters of faith, such as drag-and-drop illuminations, before you finally get the chop. Unless... Unless what? Unless you renounce your position and promise to serve out your days in a small role we have in mind for you. Which would be? Creating templates for AppleWorks. From now until your demise. I'd rather have my tongue pulled out! Good. Guards! History will prove me righ... | ||||||
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